Just like yesterday

Sometimes, it felt just like yesterday..Even it had been so long, but i still feel that way..Memories still remain, but things has changed, even the both of us ..

My heart is aching no more, tears are shedding no more..Still rmb those days how i cried over the phone, felt like couldn't breathe, spent my sleepless nights playing the piano, cried in anytime, to anyone....Never had such pain before, because I'd never loved this much before... But I thank you for this pain, because I am surprised to see the me now ..

I'm still the me, never had I changed..but I've grown up I'm proud to say, more mature I guess.. Atleast Im no more lonely, from the inside of me...I see things differently, I see my dream clearer than I was with you...

Your love had blind folded me, and my love was not strong enough to put ur negativity off..we were just not meant to be together..I've completely accepted this fact..1 month ago....


I eat alone, read alone, shop alone, gym alone, drive alone...I'm not lonely, I'm just discovering "myself" ...What kinda life I want to live? What do I want to pursue? What kinda person I want to be? What I kinda relationship I want? What kinda life partner am I looking for...?

I dont think I'm ready...That's why I remain single...Once a friend asked me why not try out some of the guys that are aftering me, he said its better not miss the chance .... But for me, I rather to miss that chance, than to fall in the "wrong love" again...

I wanna feel happy, not the outside, but in me! I asked myself this ,
"Where is happiness to be found? How can we become happy? "
After the broke up, I did not feel happy at all.. Even I went out with a bunch of peoples, yam cha with friends every night, movies with friends and anything that I wasnt being alone. But I did not feel any happier at all. Infact Im getting more depressed as I saw him having great time with his new gf..

I soon found out no matter how much friends I hang out with, how many places I went to, or even if i had another bf.. I wouldn't be happy..
"Because happiness is not a question of how you look to others, rather it is a matter of what you yourself feel inside; it is a deep answering response in your life."
And this fundamental darkness of mine, is still in me, no matter how my environment change, I would still remain the depressed emo me... After discovering this, I took some hard time in chanting, kept reflecting myself.. I started to see the weakness in me..so fragile...and Im gonna transform this , to happiness, to a strong young women that sensei's always proud of..

Instead of letting myself in that miserable situation ..FOREVER.. I wanna make changes, revolution! How?

Live in a way that is full of life... for yourself, for your loved ones, for your friends. People who do so will find the courage to transform sufferings into hopes. Not only that, but they will be able to light the lamp of hope in the hearts of many others, as well. (Daisaku Ikeda)

Start with giving something to each person I meet : joy, courage, hope, assurance or philosophy, wisdom, a vision for the future... Let me always give something!! Wait and see, I wanna see the girl that shines with beauty in that mirror again ...and shines even brighter ..